you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
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his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
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Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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