butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
