At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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