i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
