How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
