apparently the secret to your success is patron
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
