Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
