You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
