chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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