I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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