Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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