my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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