"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
