drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Randomize
