I need help removing her.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
