so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
