I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
