trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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