So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
