Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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