unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
