When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
birth control should be required to get into college
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
