just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
