Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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