what day is it and did you see me today?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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