The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
