never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
