genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
