I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
