we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
