I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
