Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
