i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
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beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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