Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
