Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
