the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
