I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
someone threw a dead crab at me
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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