I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
