I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
