her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
