Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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