are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You made out with two different species that night
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
