tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
