What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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