you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
