Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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