Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
