so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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