I can feel you judging me through the phone.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
