A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
