I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
