i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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