he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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