just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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