He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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