Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
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I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
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After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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