I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
