im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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