why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
