You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
