It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
