On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
