wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
