but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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