At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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