real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm like, not good at living.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
