I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I lost the right to judge tonight
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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