things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
