There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Randomize
