Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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