Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
