90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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